Tips on Talking to the Most Important Person in your Life
“A man speaking sense to himself is no madder than a man speaking nonsense to himself.” — Tom Stoppard
Time and time again, I have found so many resources on how to improve relationships with family, friends, and people in our professional lives. I sought this type of information after witnessing and admiring great communicators and leaders.
I never understood the importance of self-talk until I began journaling and noticing how I talked to myself. Finding information on how to nurture your relationship with yourself is very difficult to witness since we cannot listen to someone else’s inner voice.
How we communicate with ourselves is a lot more critical and impactful in our lives than we think.
How often do you call yourself stupid/dumb/an idiot, etc.? How often have you stopped yourself from doing something after listening to the voice inside your head? Do you ever beat yourself up after a situation has passed, thinking that you could have done something differently?
The voice inside our head trumps any outside voice because:
- It is the most unmistakable, familiar, and loudest (for most people) voice that we hear every day.
- It helps dictate and guide our actions and reactions and narrate our lives.
We can use the information we know about the voice inside our heads to improve our relationship with ourselves.
1. Be aware of your inner voice
The voice we hear inside our head is our subconscious mind, intuition, and moral compass. It is relevant because it helps us better understand who we are. The voice can be your best friend or your worst enemy when you are not aware of how it is affecting you.
When we are scared to do something, the voice inside our head may talk us out of it so we can feel more comfortable. When we are having conversations with others, that voice may say something that you should not say out loud (or it may say something we should speak out loud). When we are upset or sad, that inside voice may want us to commit self-harm or do something that our happy selves would not do.
You must be aware of the voice in your head, so you know when to pass on it and when to act on it. It would help if you had a better mind and body connection, which you can cultivate through — *drum roll* — journaling and writing. Meditation will help quieten that mind so that you can find new thoughts and ideas. Journaling will help you visualize the voice on paper or a screen and help you identify where you think your inner voice has been helpful and where it has not.
Everyone’s inner voice is different, and it changes over time, depending on where you are in your life.
I remember back when I joined the engineering school in college, I used to walk into exams scared and nervous, and the voice inside my head would tell me that I was about to fail. I failed because I listened to my inner voice and let it control my actions. I almost talked myself into quitting school altogether. It was not until I began this self-development journey and being more aware of this inside voice that I was able to carry out the difficult tasks that came up in my life.
2. Talk to yourself like you would your best friend.
The conversations that you have with yourself are so crucial for your well being, and your ability to navigate through life’s struggles. When we hear our inner voice, the same region of our brain that is responsible for speech is activated. Similar to how you would communicate with your best friend through their problems and concerns, you can obtain the same results by talking to yourself.
If your homie called you right now to tell you that their boyfriend/girlfriend broke up with them, would you tell them that they deserved it? Probably not. So it would be best if you did not talk to yourself with negative, un-purposeful, harsh criticism.
Communicating with myself as if I was conversing with my best friend allowed me to overcome many hardships at a faster rate than my 18 year- old self-thought was possible. It has allowed me to feel more comfortable when dealing with failure and loss because I listen to what my mind is saying and respond to make myself feel better.
When you negatively talk to yourself, you are telling your brain what you believe to be true. The conversations you have with yourself become your reality, and that reality is that you are all these horrible things you say you are. But that is far from the truth.
When you are best friends with yourself, you are not only invincible to the voice in your head, but to the voices around you as well.
Disclaimer: Some people need real help from therapists and medication to help overcome their problems. If you feel this is you, please seek professional help immediately.
